PART I: PRELUDE
Somewhere deep in the slow, eternal depths of the heavens drifts a planet called
And among the otherwise unremarkable population of this planet are two incredible
heroes, destined to save the future from itself.
Hey Ninja Brian, I made a time machine spaceship. You... wanna go on it?
Yeah, okay cool.
Soaring through the galaxy, the stars and sky align
The speed of light's for pussies we're going at the speed of Brian!
Flying towards the sexual peak of history and time
Computer, set a sexy course for the sexiest year... ugh
(Sixty-nine) I've got my space suit
(Sixty-nine) And ninety pounds of space lube
Crossing through into a fuckin worm hole beyond the Milky Way
That shit's far
To a time of Earth so far in the future where everyone gets laid
Twice as hard
The noble knights of honor on a fierce and sultry butt crusade
Here we are
Open the bay doors and let's live the dream
Give the world a double team
I bet it's a billion person orgy in an ocean of whipped cream
PART II: SOLILOQUY
Wait. This place isn't sexy at all. And this robot sign says human touch has been
I can't believe my eyes, but it's a world without sex
Everyone here just wears full length pants and loose fitting turtlenecks
Men and women wave to each other from a respectable distance
Without the thrill of boning, what is life?
We must speak to the Council of Dick Elders tonight.
PART III: CONFRONTATION
Excuse me, Dick Elders?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I know it's most unusual to come before you so
But the planet Earth sucks balls now that no one's allowed to bone.
We've come from the past to introduce you to ass
WAIT YOU'RE NINJA SEX PARTY, YOU WILL RUIN OUR PLANS!
GUARDS! SOUND THE ALARMS!
IF PEOPLE HAVE SEX, THEY'LL BREAK A THOUSAND YEAR SPELL
THERE'LL BE A REVOLUTION AND THEY'LL THINK FOR THEMSELVES
WE CONTROL THIS PLANET OF UNSATISFIED WOOD
WHY DOES BEING EVIL ALWAYS FEEL SO DAMN GOOD
Fuck that bullshit, we'll make it right
Get ready for a sexy fight
My dick's the spark of hope and a revolution shall ignite!
(Hey) We're taking flight, we have to find a girl
Shoot the fucking lasers!
Shoot the fucking lasers at 'em!
Show them what it means to love and fix this broken world
All the fuckin lasers!
All the fuckin lasers at 'em!
The new sex king will rule
LET THE BONER BANNERS BE UNFURLED
PART IV: DISCOVERY
Ninja Brian, look at that girl with the sad eyes and the beautiful blonde hair. I'm
immediately in love!
(Sixty-nine) She's spent a life all alone
(Sixty-nine) Wanna take her to the bone zone
(Sixty-nine) Make her feel the pleasure
(Sixty-nine) Of a moaning treasure
I can't belive my eyes, but you're the girl of my dreams
Let's both tear all of our clothes off like two pants hating Wolverines
The love we make will save the Earth from this oppressive dick regime
(Oh woah woah) We're having sex now
(Oh woah woah) To change the world (Woo!)
(Oh woah woah) You brought your friends now
(Oh woah woah) Oh shit they're girls
PART V: REVOLUTION
I think it's obvious that people like our sexy show
A multi-billion person orgy has broken out all across the globe
The human race much like my junk will now be free to grow
(Oh woah woah) But what about the Elders?
(Oh woah woah) We tore their world to shreds
(Oh woah woah) Maybe they'll be cool with it
Oh hey, Dick Elders. How's it goin'?
YOU TWO ARE FUCKING DEAD
PART VI: ESCAPE
So much for that, it's time to put on pants
And run away from their Death Army which is starting to advance
SHOOT THE FUCKIN' LASERS!
WAVES OF FUCKIN' LASERS AT 'EM!
We can't die, we're way too young
And there's so many girls to bone
SHOOT THE FUCKIN' LASERS!
WAVE OF FUCKIN' LASERS AT 'EM!
But now we're cornered with our backs against the wall!
IT'S OVER, DANNY SEXBANG, YOUR TIME HAS COME
BUT FIRST WE'RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOUR NINJA FRIEND HERE!
Goddamn, Brian, you killed them all
Now the empire will fall
I have to say in retrospect that was easier than I thought!
PART VII: FAREWELL
Our work here's done, the future is secure
But my girl and I have one last farewell slam just to be sure
For underneath those rockin' boobs lies a heart that is so pure
Take care of this world for me, my darling, I will always love you.
...What is your name by the way?
(Ooooh) Ah, a beautiful name.
(Ooooh) Until that glorious day when we meet again, Katie, farewell.
Now let us fly into the night sky
And we'll raise a glass to ass and a final goodbye to sixty-nine
(Sixty-nine) Let us be gone
(Sixty-nine) Our quest is life-long
(Sixty-nine) It's a sexy destiny so lets rock the fuck on!